Friday, September 10, 2010

Knife wedged in and twisted



So our glorious plan was for me to visit my bro, giving time off from TTC and then get back in the saddle when I returned and start my next cycle.  Well those frozen embies will now wait on ice a little longer.

In an ideal world this post would be my big, happy announcement to say that I'm finally pregnant.  Hmmm, where does this mythical ideal world exist!?! 

I returned from the visit to see my family and figured it should be just a couple of days then I'll be on Day 1 and can call the fertility clinic to start our FET cycle. 

At this point, it's worth mentioning that my last period was odd, really odd!  I bled for 3 more days than usual and then had about 10 days of spotting to follow.  WTF!?!  Oh well, I put it down to the stress of the visit and my body still adjusting after the IVF cycle. 

So back to this week, Day 30 hits and still no period...strange, I usually have periods every 26 days or so.  Time to POAS.  Result = a BFP....woohoo :)  Then my thoughts turn to "oh crap", what about all that booze I drank with my family, after all Hubbs was back at home so there was no chance of me being preggers that month...or so I thought.  Day 31 and another POAS with a BFP.  Now it was time to get excited, a little.  Day 32 was a visit to the doc and a blood test which revealed HCG levels of 14,632...holy moly, that makes it about 6-7 weeks along.  At last, some good news...or so I thought.

Today, Day 35 and this was the first of our ultrasound visits.  Hubbs was getting all excited but I kept asking him to calm down, that I couldn't get excited until I saw our little bumble with my own eyes.  The Ultrasound tech tried an abdominal scan and hunted around, nothing!  Ok, maybe it's earlier than we thought, so she tried a trans-vaginal scan, still nothing, nada, zip!!  Time to bring in the doctor.  Doc arrives and says he is at a loss to know what is going on.  Nothing adds up or makes sense.  His best guess is a chemical pregnancy or perhaps on further investigation that little blob in my uterus is an empty sac waiting to discharge.  Worse, maybe I am having an ectopic pregnancy; the HCG numbers taken so recently don't seem to make sense, he says.

Really....I mean, REALLY!?!

So now I sit here waiting to find out the results of the HCG test taken earlier today to see if the numbers have plummeted or are still high.  In other words, now I want to hear low HCG numbers, now I want AF to knock on the door really loudly and I'll welcome her in with open arms.  Yes, I want AF more than ever.

I don't remember ever saying that I liked rollercoasters so why am I on the longest, most unpredictable, scariest one ever built.  It's ok, really, I'd like to get off now and leave the fairground.  No, not even a candy cane or ice-cream can tempt me to stay.  I want off, NOW!

So let's hope the numbers are low and AF shows up soon.  Much better than the prospect of a laparoscopy, much much better.  Fingers-crossed xx

   

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