This 2ww really bites!

Lately, I've read some really sad results from fellow bloggers after their Beta tests.  My heart really goes out to them.  *Hugs*

I don't have much to report on during the second week of my 2ww.  Really it's been about just trying to pass the time.  I've been a good girl and not done a POAS or taken my basal temp.  I don't want to feed myself with false positive or false negative vibes before the beta test.  Besides, Hubbs has been strict about not letting me psyche myself out one way or another.   Damn him and his self-control!


Some days I have felt optimistic and other days, well honestly I have just been planning for the worst.  Much of my optimism or negativity really depends on what symptoms, or lack thereof, I have had at the time.  Today is a better day as I feel nauseous...I'd say I'm about 70% positive of a good outcome.  Tomorrow, oh I'll probably have no nausea and be back down to around 40% or less.  I feel like a human yo-yo! 

In other news, I am currently suffering from about 6-7 nasty mosquito bites.  The pesky bugs are out in force this year because of way too much rain and a sudden hot spell.  I am allergic to the bites so suffer horrible swelling around the bite site.  I feel like I have anthills all over my body - how nice!  Just in case one or more of my bumbles is actually sticking around, I did some internet research to find out what pregnant women can use to ease the itching, and also to repel the little flying bloodsuckers from landing in the first place.  Deet proved to be questionable, so I decided to try Calamine lotion and a Benadryl cream.  Tried the Benadryl first, not bad, but it seemed like the Calamine might be safer so have decided to stick with that instead.  I also found a natural ingredient, kid-friendly spray to put on before our evening jaunts in the suburban jungle and only got one little new bite instead of the swarm that attacked the night before.  It had seemed like a great idea to take the shot at 7:30pm and walk the dogs after to reduce lumpy bottom syndrome and give us all some exercise.  Not so much now!  It has turned in to a ritual of bending over the bed for the obligatory shot in the butt, then donning long pants, long sleeves and spraying myself in a sticky, oily repellent.  And yes, it IS repellent!!  During the walk I can't fully relax as I am constantly fending off the persistent mosquitoes who fly around me trying to find a fresh piece of skin to bite.  Poor dogs barely have time to squat and squeeze before we are hurrying them to move along.  Then, back at home, straight into the shower to wash off the sweat from the excess of clothing in 90 degree heat and the oily residue from the messy insect repellent.

Seriously, I'm starting to think that a lumpy bottom might not be so bad after all!

Nightmares of a 2ww

I really need to get a new head!  One that doesn't dwell on stuff and scare the crap outta me or my bumbles.  

For the last couple of nights I've been suffering from what I call 2ww nightmares.  The first was a bizarre dream that had me performing in a Prince video and it was really turning me on (Prince in a sexual dream, I told you it was a nightmare!!).  Anyway I woke myself up in a panic as we had strict instructions for me not to orgasm during the 2ww.  When I awoke I had strong cramps.  Nooooo! 

Another nightmare involved me waking up to find blood all over my pajamas.  Charming!!
  
And last night, I dreamt I had to go to the doctor (not my usual one) and when I told him I'd just had IVF he said outright..."you know they'll all die don't you".  I was stunned at first, and then got really really angry.  I yelled back at him, "How dare you say that, I have hope, you don't know what you are talking about!".

Holy shit, what is my mind trying to do to me and my little bumbles?  Am I that messed up in the head (you don't have to answer that!)?  And there was me thinking I was being positive about this IVF cycle. Hmm, I guess my subconscious is out to try and prove me wrong.  Anyone else experiencing nightmares or had this happen during the 2ww?

On the positive side of things, I've got tender boobies.  I've read that can just be a side effect of progesterone but still, it might not be. I've also been up every night peeing which doesn't usually happen very often, and during the day we are having to visit every store bathroom when out & about.  Isn't it a bit early to be having a weak bladder?  On top of that I've been having mild cramps and twinges.  Nothing major other than that one night after the Prince video.  Note to self, the bumbles aren't digging Prince!

So despite my silly nightmares I'm trying to focus on staying positive during this cruel 2ww.  I know that the signs might not be attributed to the bumbles snuggling in and calling my belly home for the next 9 months, but I'm still holding out hope.  In the end, what will be will be, and we'll find out on July 12 if the signs were all pointing in the right direction.

In the meantime, a restful night's sleep is on order!