You can probably guess already that our Beta results came back with a BFFN (Big Fat Fucking Negative)!
I am so angry at life right now! Seriously, it all feels like some sick, cruel joke.
Tonight, I will be drowning my sorrows with several Margaritas, tons of cheese and anything else high fat and totally unhealthy. After that, who knows. I need time to heal from yet another disappointment on this IF journey. We have 11 embryos on ice, so maybe we will try again. But right now, I almost wish they weren't there so I could just close the chapter on TTC once and for all. I'm really sick of spending my life hoping, wishing, being pumped full of hormones and looking for positive signs and symptoms. I want to enjoy life again for each day that it brings, and not live on this constant roller-coaster.
I think I'll plan the trip to see my brother and spend some time with him as he deals with his lot in life. Compared to his problems mine are totally insignificant, I mean, it's not like I am dying from IF. Well maybe a little of my heart dies each time we get let down...but it's nothing like cancer.
And you know what, I have my Hubbs. My dear, wonderful, loving Hubbs who is the best rock a girl could have in times like these. Today marks seven years from the day we first met. I will shed my tears and then go out with the love of my life, and try to put off worrying about the stupidity and cruelty of IF for another day.
I'm so sorry!!! this IF roller coaster is horrible. enjoy the margaritas, have some under cooked meat and soft cheese too, just for good fucking measure. A very large, very caffeinated cup of coffee tomorrow morning will be the perfect top-off. Know I'm thinking of you. This really does suck.
ReplyDeleteWell, darn! (Actually, what I was thinking was C*ck-sucker).
ReplyDeleteHey, at least you have your frosties! FETs are so much easier than the fresh, so you'll have no problem, plus I'm sure you'll get your BFP!
Hang in there! And definitely indulge in that FU IF diet!
Thank you both for the support, it means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteDamn it felt good tonight not having to worry about what I was drinking or eating for a change! And NO progesterone shot tonight...woopdeedoo!! Of course, secretly I would have gladly welcomed the strict diet and shot if it meant I was pregnant, but oh well, gotta make the best of a crappy situation. It is what it is!
Mama2Bee -- where are you? all ok? Thinking of you & hoping you are hanging in there. It's been a long time since you checked in.
ReplyDeleteInB
Hi InB, sorry I have been out of touch for so long. Been out of the country and am just trying to catch up now I'm back. I promise I will blog soon, I have lots to write about. Hope you are doing well. Thanks for thinking of me :)
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